Anyone who knows me well is aware of my love of storytelling in all its forms. Over my 25 years as a high school English teacher, I shared hundreds if not thousands of examples of (at the time) culturally significant stories with my students. Throughout my life, I’ve read, watched, and heard many thousands more. And, as a writer, I’ve spent countless years trying to mimic them.
However, it was only once I became a consulting hypnotist that I realized the stories that often matter most are the ones we tell ourselves.
The power of the personal story
Our personal stories define who we are. They help us create meaning out of the seemingly meaningless events that happen to us and around us. And, as many scholars and scientists have proven, the stories we subconsciously believe influence how we lead our lives.
I was formally introduced to this idea in 2012, when I began training as a hypnotist. Over the next decade, as I completed a certificate in Clinical Hypnotism, read numerous books about the brain and subconscious mind, and worked with hundreds of clients who wanted to make big changes in their lives, I grew to understand just how true it was.
The challenge I often faced was getting clients to let go of outdated personal narratives that kept them trapped in unhealthy mental, physical, and even spiritual habits. No easy task, since many of those stories had most likely helped them at some point in the past, and were hardwired into their sense of self.
One man I unsuccessfully hypnotized for smoke cessation told me he began smoking cigarettes when he was 11, while working alongside his father and uncles. Listening to him, it became clear to me that, in his mind, smoking was a rite of passage into manhood, and held positive associations. Now in his sixties, he couldn’t imagine his life without the habit. And, despite a recent diagnosis of heart troubles and a wife who feared for his life, he admitted that if he died tomorrow, he’d be okay with that.
“I’ve already had a better life than I ever imagined I would,” he said.
The life he described included a happy marriage, a loving family, a successful career, and strong, male friendships. In his opinion, he’d had it all, and stopping smoking wasn’t going to make it better. Nevertheless, he wanted to give hypnosis a try, if only for the sake of his wife.
A man I successfully hypnotized for smoke cessation had a similar background. He’d been smoking for fifty odd years. He’d started early. He’d worked his entire life in a male dominated industry and was respected by his peers. As well, he was facing a health crisis. In his case, cancer.
The difference between the two men was that the second was about to retire. For the first time in forty years, he would be at home instead of travelling the world for work. Furthermore, his wife, also a life-long smoker, was recovering from cancer, and they both wanted a new start.
In order to stack the couple’s odds in their favour, I asked that we schedule both sessions on the same day. I wanted them returning home, together, as ex-smokers. As I was still teaching full-time, I suggested we do it on a Saturday, so there were no time constraints. They agreed, and told me they’d get back to me with a date that worked for them.
Interestingly, despite initially wanting to stop smoking in January, the couple—let’s call them Carl and Ellie—chose a date in February instead. By luck or fate, Valentine’s Day fell on a Saturday that year, and that was the day they chose. I was elated. They really were creating a new, original story for themselves, and it was a romantic one at that.
As with all of my smoke cessation clients, the week before the stop smoking session, I had them track their habits by writing down when and how many cigarettes they smoked each day. I also asked them each to fill a separate jar with the cigarette butts they smoked, and bring them to the session. As well, I provided them with a list of reasons to quit and asked that they rate them on a scale from one to ten. Finally, I suggested ways to prep their home for their life as non-smokers. These suggestions included getting rid of all reminders of their habit and stocking the fridge with hydrating drinks, fruits, and vegetables.
On February 14th, we began the day with a check-in. During this part of the process, I had several universal points to go over, to ensure they were both on board with my post-session expectations. I reminded them about the importance of the reinforcement recording they would receive after the session. I asked that they listen to it twice a day for two weeks, and once daily for another four. I also inquired whether their home was ready to welcome two former smokers.
I grew concerned when Carl said he wasn’t sure how he’d fit the recording into his schedule due to shift work. Furthermore, he’d left his butt jar in the car. Worse, the couple’s freezer still held a full carton of cigarettes. They’d also forgotten to stock their fridge with healthy snacks and beverages. Nevertheless, they wanted to proceed. One of them called their daughter to ask if she’d go over to their house and remove the offending carton.
When it came time for the actual stop smoking sessions, I started with Ellie. Hers went off without a hitch, and afterwards she retired into the adjoining room where she could rest in a recliner while I worked with her husband. When he joined me, Carl was filled with an obvious sense of purpose and announced he’d figured out how to listen to the recording twice a day for the first two weeks. He also presented me with the butt jar he’d retrieved from their vehicle. Finally, he let me know he’d gone to a grocery store to buy the suggested supplies while I was busy with Ellie. On that note, we jumped into his session which went as smoothly as hers. When the couple left, they were relaxed and happy, and ready for a romantic supper out.
Here’s a testimonial Ellie sent me two years later.
“I KNOW that Monique’s hypnosis technique works. Both my husband and I quit smoking with Monique’s help. No slips, no cravings, and no side effects!”
I also got countless referrals from Carl—men who’d known him from work and figured if he’d done it, maybe they could too.
Why some people change while others don’t
Clearly, there are many ways to incite positive change. I discuss hypnotism here first and foremost because it was the approach that helped me quit smoking. It was how—after trying every other method including cold turkey, prescribed medications, nicotine replacement therapy, laser treatment, and a pretty way out program which involved the facilitator wearing a gas mask while we soon-to-be ex-smokers took our last puffs—I finally broke free of the habit after 30 years of trying.
I can also attest to its effectiveness, since I had a front row seat to a multitude of amazing client transformations for over a decade.
Nevertheless, the possible forms of help for those who want to improve their lives are endless. Many people do it with the help of a medical practitioner or psychotherapist. Others access a prescribed medication that’s perfect for them. Some acknowledge the aid of a specialized recovery program. Meditation and yoga are also cited as transformative practices. Sometimes, all it takes is the right word spoken by the right person at the right time.
You may also know people close to you who’ve made huge changes in their lives without any outside help at all. Maybe you are one of them.
Furthermore, as you may have surmised, several factors other than hypnosis contributed to Carl and Ellie’s successful transformation.
- The most obvious, perhaps, was their willingness to change. Carl and Ellie clearly wanted to quit smoking.
- They also demonstrated a deep commitment to their longterm success by making key lifestyle changes and listening to the reinforcement recording for six weeks.
- They also chose the approach themselves.
In contrast, my client who remained a smoker had the odds stacked against him. He was non-committal when it came to quitting smoking. He wasn’t interested in lifestyle changes. And, unfortunately, it was not he who had sought out hypnosis, but his wife.
Nevertheless, I believe the determining factor that tipped the scales in Carl and Ellie’s favour was their power to create, and commit to, a completely new story for themselves.
The couple actively conceived their life without cigarettes. They let go of who they believed themselves to be for more than half their lives, so they could have the future they wanted. On many levels, they became new versions of themselves to fit their new narrative. And, such was the strength of their commitment to this story, that despite both continuing to battle cancer for five years before finally succumbing to it, Ellie and Carl remained smoke free till the end.
On the other hand, the client for whom the smoke cessation session did not work was unable to imagine a better story for himself. There was no life he wanted more than the one he currently had. And, arguably, even if he’d wanted to quit as much as his wife wanted him to, without a new narrative in mind, his efforts would have ended in failure the moment he was offered another cigarette.
I know when I finally quit smoking, I was willing to completely revolutionize my life to support the new story I was creating for myself. I stopped drinking alcohol completely. I ended friendships with people who would have pulled me back into the lifestyle I so wanted to leave behind. I was a grandmother who wanted to make space for my grandchildren, and a writer who wanted to be fully present for her craft.
I became, essentially, a new person with a new story, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Have you made major changes in your life? Do agree with my thoughts about how our personal stories influence our ability to transform our lives? Feel free to Send me a message.
Monique Chénier 